Transcript for 🎙️ The Basic Bitch Podcast - Episode 1: How Healing Yourself Can Transform The World
Let’s talk about the basic thoughts, automatic reactions, and behaviors that bypass our conscious mind. The ones that have been programmed in us and we’re not even aware of, but they are the source of our anxiety, depression, feelings of unworthiness, and so on; the basics that go unnoticed, but they unknowingly rule our lives; the basic beliefs we adopt, basic thoughts we have, and basic actions we take that bypass our conscious mind.
And I'm going to start with a strong statement. One that will be triggering but, in my opinion, necessary.
I think we all put our focus and energy into the wrong place in our desire to help, whether in our family, community, or the current political, economic, climate, and social crisis (take your pick). We’re being reactive, focusing on fixing the outcome, and I don’t think it’s ever going to work. We need to start with our own person.
We need to heal.
To make real change, in our lives or on a grander scale, we need to heal ourselves first. To make real, sustainable change, we need to get out of survival mode and find our way back to the creators we all know we are. To help others, we need to help ourselves first. Until we do that, we will continue to feed the beast - the friendships that keep us down, the relationships that make us question our own minds and instincts, the injustice, the wars, the corruption in our world.
And so, I want to talk about something every single person knows, at some level or another.
Some people know it deeper, some less, and some don't even know they know it. This is not brand-new information; this is not revolutionary. But, for some, it might sound cringe-worthy or invaluable. Many people won’t be able to see the connection right away, but something in their bones will make itself aware, which will either cause fear and anxiety, an aha moment (which will probably be just as scary), or intrigue. I say all these things because I was all these people.
We tend to be reactive and outraged when faced with any kind of adversity, and what I think happens is that we end up feeding the conflict even more, taking us further away from the result we aim for, from the balance, justice and peace we all crave.
I think the only way we can make real change is to go within and find out who we are, what our fears are, and how they influence our behavior. How are they stopping us from being who we know we are, from living our lives in the most authentic way we can?
It’s basic but it’s not easy, especially if, like me, you’ve spent your whole life reacting and living by others' expectations, adopting beliefs without even thinking because it’s the “norm.” It’s basic and it’s simple, and it might not be easy, but it’s actually fun. It’s empowering, giving you back time to look wide and deep and choose what you want to do and who you want to be, and how you want to show up, showing others around you that it is possible to change your reality.
We have spent decades cultivating this rigid mentality of action and reaction, believing that there is only one way things are done. With blinkers on, off we go, to the point where talking about energy, consciousness, and the power of self has become cringeworthy and dismissed as woo-woo.
We are easy to bait and manipulate because we are afraid, and so we are pinning against each other in this fight for justice, equality, and peace. Because we are mostly in survival mode we go deep into fighting our corner, expressing our views and beliefs which are mostly programmed. All whilst, the wars are escalating, people are getting more divided, injustices continue, oil companies triple their profits while the planet heats up, and so on. I profoundly believe that we can turn this around if we take a step back, take ourselves out of the situation, take the attention off what’s happening, and direct that energy inward for a while.
Find out our truth, our voice, our self. Become conscious of our beliefs and programming that is keeping us in a low vibration, keeping us sad, anxious, reactive, depressed and afraid.
I think we should explore those avenues first. We should explore ourselves first.
With healing comes clarity.
With clarity comes love.
And with love comes creativity.
And from that point, any action we take, every word we say comes from our heart and not our ego. We can influence our reality more than we have been taught to believe we can, and I know you cannot see it right now, where you are right now. We can’t see it from the same level we are. We need a wider view, a higher view. And the only way we can do it is to heal ourselves first.
We have been taught to separate.
Psychology from physiology, mind from the body, and heart from the soul. But when quantum physics validates both physics and psychology, and when spirituality validates the quantum, physics, psychology, and physiology, it gives us an enormous amount of tools to pick and choose as we need to find our answers and become less afraid of the unknown.
There is a quote floating everywhere and it's the most truth I've ever seen.
Witches call it spells. Religious people call it prayer. Spiritualists call it manifestation. Atheists call it the placebo effect. Scientists call it quantum physics. Everyone’s arguing over its name, but no one is denying its existence
We live in fear.
Whether we know it or not, we live in fear. We are not aware of the power we have over our own reality. The truth behind the veil is, that we have all the power over our reality, our world, and we have been conditioned otherwise.
And so, maybe it’s time to explore the basics.
The basics of who we are, how we function, the base of it all.
The basic things our parents, community, country and society have engrained in our minds that we are not even conscious of but are making us miserable, fearful and anxious.
The basic emotions we’re feeling, basic unconscious behaviours and thoughts and beliefs that bypass our active mind.
The basic definitions for things we accept without questioning.
Through my journey from the depths of darkness and numbness, I have come to understand that the only way we can restore balance in our own lives, which will automatically extend to the world around us, is for every single one of us to find our own power, purpose and passion. Everything starts from within and I am conscious that I can’t make anyone do anything or believe anything, all I can do is show what’s possible.
Because we can’t force anyone to do anything but we can show people what they are capable of, and how strong and powerful they are, no matter how much the world around us makes our brain think we have no control.
And I’m a fucking walking contradiction because I was born with this deep sense of justice.
And up until very recently I would get involved in any debate or talk about anything and be outraged. I came to realise that this approach takes me nowhere.
I'm convinced my first words were, "It's not fair," just ask my parents. My sense of justice burns just as hotly, whether it's for myself or others. I always found myself in trouble at school because I was more bothered when a friend or colleague was treated unfairly, and I'd fight until justice was restored. The same determination for justice extended to my family; if any of my cousins or friends were treated unfairly or spoken about unkindly, I'd be there to stand up for them and fight till I was red in the face.
Well into my teens and adulthood and professionally, I’ve always been someone who would argue and demand justice for myself or others. To the point, I have gotten this reputation that I always have something to say, and that I’m defensive and difficult.
I used to focus on the end result, and passionately argue and demand fairness. And that rarely really worked and I never understood why. I knew deep down what right was, I often had validation from others and yet, even when I would “win” I would still feel like I was losing.
And now I know. It’s because I would focus all my good intentions and fire in the wrong place. I would react to the energy presented to me. I would be in the same place, trying to fight from the same level.
I had to take myself out of any situation and conversation and truly understand what it is that I value, what do I want, who am I, and why do I care so passionately. I believe that we, as a society, have reached a point where we all act out of ego, no matter which side of history we choose to stand on.
We fight fire with fire and we will burn before we reach balance.
Until we realise we can’t solve a problem by separating it from the path it took to become one, we will protect those who are most fearful and acting destructively to get control.
Until we realise that one is all and all is one we will continue to live in fear, focusing on the end result and talking ourselves into destruction, rather than working on ourselves to change our reality and remove from power the ones who are creating this ongoing fear and disconnection.
Until we realise that it all starts with our own person, we will never be free.
Until we realise that we need to zoom out to change the course of where we’re going, we will continue to dig ourselves deeper into the perpetual cycle of fighting violence with violence and hate with hate.
People are creative
The question is, is the energy behind it fuelled by fear or love?
They will find a way to do what they are driven to do, whether is escaping an abuser or starting an international war.
In Romania under communism, western films were banned and people created an underground black market network of trading VHS, slaves created maps with their hairstyles to escape, in Brazil, capoeira was a way for slaves to teach other slaves how to fight under the pretext of dance and more recently, Trump is running for a second term whilst facing jail - We are creative! We can find a way to get what we want, go under the rules, and bend them for our benefit.
That’s why I think we now need to put the right energy behind our actions, and it will all unfold in the most creative and beautiful way. To find our own true energy, we need to heal.
A classic example of focusing on the end issue - the ongoing debate and demand that we need stricter rules for social media because teenagers are being bullied and killing themselves.
I simply don't think this is the solution. Whilst I agree that platforms have a responsibility for how their product is being used, I also believe that we can enforce as many rules as we want, people are creative and if they are operating from fear, hate or insecurities (or anything low vibe) they will find a way to hurt others and no one will be able to predict what it would be. This way we will always play catchup. It’s like putting a plaster on a bleeding artery and hoping it will fix the issue. You will lose less blood for now, but the blood will still pour till there’s nothing left unless you fix the source of the bleeding issue.
The point is, if people are angry and afraid, and want to attack they will find a way to do it, regardless of how many new rules or laws or restrictions are put into place. We are creative people and we will find a way to express what we need to express. That’s why the answer is way back, it’s empowering people to find their own self-power and love.
That’s why I think it’s important that before we take any action we should understand who we are and where it comes from. We focus so much on the end result, end problem and try to fix it without even looking at the core of the issue, without even looking at our own person and what drives or scares us.
We need to look at ourselves, and our beliefs, and identify what’s true to us and what is not.
I think the problem is that we don’t know our self and we’re reacting fuelling the ongoing hate and fear in our attempt to fix it. Whether you can see it or not, it all comes down to our relationship with ourselves which determines the relationship we have with our environment that affects our society.
We’ve been taught to believe it’s selfish to think about ourselves,
who we are, what we want and how we feel. We’ve been kicked and attacked if we let our imagination give us a new perspective on life, and new solutions to an existing problem. And because we, ourselves are not healed and are not fully understand our why, we let ourselves feel attacked, feel as if we're not good enough, like we’re existing wrongly. We accept what others put on us even know we know deep down there is another way.
And I’m not here to shame or call anyone out. I was that person until not very long ago. My god, was I that person. I would get involved in any debate, try to convince, shame, and mock people who made no sense to me, try to act superior because I knew more facts than them, and so on.
And it would feel good for a minute because I would have another voice backing me, therefore validating me. But what would it resolve? The issue was still a thing, I got mad and put energy into something that didn’t really make any difference, didn’t stop the wars, didn’t solve the injustice, and didn’t help anyone suffering.
That’s why I think this is another way. And I’m not saying stop speaking out or making content to anyone. I think people have many purposes in this life, maybe some are meant to stop the bleeding and others are meant to keep the plaster on while they do. There are 8 billion people in this world and so, there are 8 billion solutions (I borrowed this specific saying). What I’m saying is that, no matter what action we take, it’s important to know where it comes from. Where is the rage coming from? Where is the sense of justice coming from? What is it that you want and why are you taking the action you're taking?
And I know I referenced worldwide conflicts and issues more, but I feel that this is truly the answer to everything - healing. Our own healing, coming out of survival mode, starting to be conscious of our automatic thoughts and behavior, finding and following your passion, identifying the source of our anxiety, depression, self-doubt, unworthiness, lack of self-confidence, and people-pleasing in all shapes and sizes it comes and ultimately, being conscious and curious why we do something we don’t want to.
It’s not what you do, it’s the energy behind each action that makes the difference. It’s not about the story you tell yourself but identifying who is telling the story. Is it the fearful, victim, powerless being you have been conditioned to think you are or is it the creative, powerful being you truly are?
I truly think the solution to living a better, richer life, to achieving balance in the world lies within us, healing our own person.
I think that what we can all do, every single human soul on this planet to start bringing balance back is to heal ourselves. Heal from the pain and hurt and anxiety and depression and unworthiness and fear. Get ourselves out of the numbness of the day-to-day, the people pleasing, the fear of speaking out, to be different from the norm.
And if you are outraged or angry at my statements, take a moment and ask yourself why.
Why does it make you angry?
Why does it make you feel like no one understands your struggle?
Why does it make you feel like it’s a naive thing to think?
Why don’t you believe in your own personal power over your own life?
What are you afraid will happen if you entertain this idea that it all starts with you?
And also,
Ask yourself, what would happen if you questioned the norm and stopped believing that “that’s how the world works, we need to compromise, we can't have everything we want, it takes hard work, that not everyone is meant to..”
How would your behaviour change if you stopped limiting yourself to other people's beliefs?
What is true for you?
What do you want?
What is your passion?
What is holding you back?
What are you afraid of?
Can you widen your focus?
Can you heal yourself out of survival mode?
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