👂 My movie memories start at Universal Soldier.
💀 I was raised by Seinfield and the cast of Expendables. To this day, the only way to cheer me up is to press play on an 80s/90s action film.
⛰️ I think Big Time Adolescence is the same film as Alphadog, if Alphadog didn't end up shocking you at the end, and you don't end up screaming at the TV, whilst crying in your nighttime cereal, cos you're stoned and having a good time and you were not ready for that shovel.
🪖 I absolutely love Tropic Thunder. The more you watch it, the better, nay, the cleverer it gets. It feels like it should be a an Adam McKay movie, but it does make me respect Ben Stiller more.
🏆 A friend of mine once said that there isn’t such thing as a bad sports film. I argued against it. I watched a looooooooooooot of sports films and I am yet to find a bad one. I can admit when I’m wrong.
I’m not a big Ben Affleck fan but I love his directed movies. The Town!
Good Time made me notice Robert Pattinson.
Gladiator is one of my absolute favourite films.
Highlander is my guilty pleasure.
So many others come to mind and I need to do another post cos I’m getting side tracked.
I love movies. I know movies. All of them. It’s been the only constant in my life. I don’t have a favorite though. I believe films serve and speak to different parts of you, and every time you watch them, they will tell you something different. However, I’m in love with a few people’s brains. I can never remember them all at once but I can never forget Jordan Peele, Donald Glover, Adam McKay, Christopher Nolan, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the Safdie Brothers, and Pete Davidson.
Even though I have never spent any time with any of them, my brain and energy are weirdly hooked on theirs. I think it’s because their presence and work come from a deep and meaningful place and can take many forms and so, parts of me are able to recognize that at a nonverbal level.
I believe creativity comes from an authentic and vulnerable place, and when it doesn’t, we can always tell. It’s challenging to articulate why, but at the limbic brain level, you can always sense whether it’s raw and genuine or if it’s dressed to please. I think that's why I connect more with writers, directors, and certain actors who infuse their own truth into the story. Like everyone else, I connect with lots of movies, but people become truly special to me when a unique or authentic part of me connects with their words or images. In that moment it feels like they're bursting out in colour right in front of my eyes. That they become a real person not just an image on screen.
Sometimes I see things beyond what’s displayed to me and I’m never 100% sure if it was meant to be or is just me adding my own bit to the moment. I guess that's me though. I love long whisky talks and deep conversations. I see meaning in things and I love to talk about it. I get hooked on people who challenge me emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually. Or the ones who’s existence validates a gut instinct I have ignored because I believed the world around me when they said it was “unacceptable."
When Bupkis trailer earlier dropped this year, my brain immediately connected what I interpreted to be the message of the show, to Phoebe Waller Bridge’s Fleabag. I thought Bupkis was the male version of Fleabag and the only difference was how the world responded to them: Obsessive Infatuation vs Judgment. Can you guess which one is which?
Having absolutely no clue about what Bupkis really was didn't stop me because the way it made me feel was bursting out of me. Naturally, I wrote a whole blog post about it and called it Why Bupkis is the dude version of Fleabag.
And then I watched it. Months ago. And went about my life.
As my own world started to crumble this year, I began to write more consistently. The more I wrote, the more my brain opened up. Throughout the year, moments from Bupkis kept coming back to my mind. Not exclusively tho.
While I wasn’t exactly on the money, I believe I hit it right by calling them the Masters of Hiding in Plain Sight. Takes one to know one, I guess.
While in Fleabag, we have a moment or two where her behavior is confirmed, in Bupkis, we catch a glimpse of fictional baby Pete becoming it. In the wedding episode, I don't know if it was intended or not, but that precise scene, where he kept observing all the attention and sad eyes on him and hearing whispers of compassion, and then switched to being silly and entertaining pierced through my soul. The exact frame where his face changed, transforming into a different person transported me back to the moment I underwent the exact same transformation. I was ten.
This scene in Bupkis made me relive my own moment—the one when I decided to be loud and distracting so others couldn’t see the pain inside. For me, it was also shame, but I believe it leads to the same place—avoiding others' pity.
I would portray a loud, distracting and unbothered attitude, dropping truths as outrageous dark jokes, so no one could see the hurt and shame I harbored, whilst on the inside, I would constantly try and find ways to be the opposite of what I naturally am, in the hope that if I become “normal” I wouldn’t be alone for the rest of my life.
My performance served a dual purpose. On one side, I used it to join in people’s insults and bullying. I used to agree in the same degree of outrage and even top their insults. At times, I would go too far, leaving them the ones to feel uncomfortable. On the other side, I used it to escape the pity and overly compassionate eyes that others would cast upon me when witnessing being marginalized and bullied.
Luckily, the show was not all a bummer for me though. There were some easter eggs, though I'm convinced I might have made some up.
Episode 3 was my favorite. So dumb, and funny, and ridiculous. Dave’s duster was the cherry on top. I could not stop thinking about Mac in Sunny. I imagine Dave, rocking up in the duster (minus the abs) and asking the group Hey guys, can we do something with this? Maybe this is one of the easter eggs I made up because I am clearly obsessed with Sunny.
I think the Canada episode was the most balanced one. Was it a Suicide Squad easter egg but make it Tropic Thunder? I definitely got a Downey vibe (minus the black face) in that scene. Maybe this is also one of the ones I made up.
The 28 Days easter egg was very unexpected, unless I made that up, again. But I know the Good Morning Vietnam was not fake. I don’t know if my brain went too deep but I think there are so many deep meanings and relevances between Bupkis and this, and I need a separate blog post just for that.
Anyone can tell this is a passion project, and I am here for it. It’s human, it’s relatable, it’s raw. Heck, the Italian in me felt right at home.
Whilst I enjoyed the moments and absolutely loved the movie references and Easter eggs, I also felt like I watched a 7 episode apology to the entire world. It reminded me of how I used to join the bullies and critics in bashing myself. Yes, in time I became more comfortable and had places where I could be truthful and authentic, but I would always be a little bit on the defense, I would never fully and wholeheartedly tell my truth because even the ones who were accepting of me, there was still a chance they might turn. That’s the vibe I got. It was entertaining and raw but I felt like it was made for other people.
Or maybe I’m projecting.
The more I watched it thought, the more this feeling started to settle in. The individual stories felt real and true, but I think that the perspective, the way it was delivered and the tone were based on what they thought the world wanted to hear.
I felt like the balance was off, the stories weren’t held together by the truly authentic, wholesome, imperfectly perfect, good people we all know they are. We know Pete has a good heart, that he’s a decent human being. I feel like the narrative didn’t show that side. We didn’t really see the good parts, only the downfalls, the struggles and how angry and sad the world around him was. Those moments are important, of course they are, and I know the good parts are also there, I just feel that they’ve focused on the self-deprecating parts a bit too much. It felt defensive.
I feel they've been a little bit too self-critical and missed the wholesomeness. I think they need someone, like an outsider, to challenge the group's ideas and make them go deeper. They have nailed one end of the spectrum. But what about the other one? What about the nice person with a loving and caring heart, engaging in wholesome acts of love? What lies in their heart and soul, beneath all the trauma and pain? And why does it matter? Showing these moments would balance it all, making it even more relatable and complex. Life is never all good or all bad, and we don't always have to structure our stories in duality or go to extremes to show a point. Sometimes, we should focus on the feeling, with the reason why we want to tell a story as our North star, and whatever comes out, comes out.
I feel like I'm projecting again.
I wholeheartedly believe everyone involved in this project has a powerful story and incredible talent. They hold so much more at their core than they reveal, and they are still on the journey to find the full courage to keep disrupting the norms. The world’s gonna hate regardless, might as well die of your own sword.
I believe that both Fleabag and Bupkis are grounded in reality, even when they venture into more surreal or comedic territory. It's almost as if they give us permission to no longer fear our authenticity. The characters' mission appears to be regaining control by exposing and normalizing their raw human emotions, in an attempt to make people lose interest in their cause, so they can finally live their lives in peace.
Funnily enough, this only causes people to pay even more attention and scrutinize their words and behavior. For a while, I thought it was so unfair and outrageous, believing people were being intentionally cruel and mean. Now, I think I was wrong. I believe I've unraveled the mystery behind the obsession and damning attitude towards them—it's fear.
Some people respond negatively to this kind of authenticity because the parts of them that relate are triggered, and it threatens their built-in belief system. For some, paying attention to their own voice and creativity means dismantling the foundation they have built their lives on. Their brain automatically rejects it, labeling it as a threat. Hence, the outrage, the anger, the judgement, the disapproval, the harassment, and the injustice.
I read Buzzfeed, I know what’s up! And I know Season 2 is coming.
I hope they find the strength to make it truly and wholeheartedly balanced and real. I hope they speak their full truth and know exactly why it’s important to do so—not because strangers on the internet have opinions, but because it’s important to create and present our truth fully, no matter how many people may be triggered, terrified, or acting out of fear. No matter if it makes sense or not, no matter if it has a resolution or left open, no matter if mistakes were made in the journey of healing and self-discovery. The more unconventional and complicated the truth might seem, the more people will relate.
And I know this is just a show, of course it is. But this is also a personal story and stories like this can unite us. Details we think are too weird, too self indulgent, too dark, too unique those tend to be the ones that hit deep. An unfiltered, balanced journey can help someone relate, and do the same for their own person. By sharing a complex, purpose led story might hold some seemingly insignificat detail that can act as a catalyst for someone. Even those who believe they're against a thick wall, with the courage to open their eyes, they realize that the wall is merely a reflection of themselves.
This time I'm definitely projecting.
I'll just say this. I believe it’s important to not dress our creativity for the audience. It’s important, not just for us as creators, to feel that our entire heart, holes and all, is displayed in front of everyone so they can see and relate to it. It's equally crucial for the world around to witness this openness, so it can start to heal and realise no one is truly alone.
I will now show myself out, thank you!
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